Saturday, February 26, 2005


I 've been re-reading some letters I have. They are beautiful letters, full of choices. I haven't picked up these letters for a long time. I did only so recently because of the massive reflective state I am in. I read the letter's sentences and wonder why something so beautiful was not right and did not endure. The person who wrote these ideas mirrored my feelings if not my reasons.

Many people think that love is that something that just happens. I did, once upon a time. The word 'just' degrades it. For something so magic too come apart and unravel, I wonder why the friends and family I have now (also full of magic); still hold water. Why do these interactions work. It's always a choice that is mutally agreed upon.

These people, who are precious to me, are always moving forward in life as we all are. Yet to keep the relationship and build it over time, we constantly decide to reconnect. We continually try. I make a choice everytime I think of the people in my life to keep them there. They do the same.

There are lulls, especially with those people who are geographically distant to me. (Silence freaks me out even though I know the lulls are natural. Silence is most likely to be a deal-breaker for me when it is not a lull.) When I realize that I am in a lull, I probably try too hard to reconnect. However, it is still a decision to connect each and every time. Mostly, I am lucky with these relationships because they still exist.

I make the same choice with those who are no longer in my life. It's, again, a mutually agreed upon choice. For the most part, I stress over these decisions. The not talking breaks my heart each and everytime it is made. Some I hope are mendable. Some I know are forever lost.

Love never dies even if it remains trapped in time. I make the choice to keep loving though a part of me will remain trapted as well.

Those I love now are people who have helped me grow and stand. I hope I have given back to them the same.

I reflect on my letters and am reminded that the world has these choices as well. I think the knowledge is important. Life is a choice that is made every second of every day. The connection to others, happiness, sadness, and love.

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