Sunday, May 28, 2006

Does Love Conquer All

Does Love Conquer All?

In a discussion with a friend, the subject came up. He said no. At the time I agreed with him. Why? Because love seems so rarely to conquer anything much less all. I am wrong though.

I remember love takes all forms; infinite possibilities on every color of love.

Love can conquer all. It frequently does conqueror many. People stay in relationships that are not good because of love.

People are not willing to sacrifice themselves to love. Sometimes relationships breakup because someone will not lose his/her values to keep the relationship going. Good or bad, I don't know. Probably neither.

A thousand ways to act on love or not.

I know if you let it, love can feed you. I find strength in love, being loved and loving.

But should love conquer all? Is looking at love like a conqueror even sane?

Most feelings and actions are individualized. Why not love?

I like to think of love as a most personal decision and feeling -part of the self that spreads outward- something to share.

Will love conqueror all?

Hell if I know.

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

My lazy ass

I recently signed what I thought was a non-binding exercise contract. I entered into many such agreements over the years.

A friend/neighbor/someone: "You and I should workout togther, the buddy system."
Me: "Absolutely."

Never happens.

The agreement I entered into on Monday was similar. Or so I thought.

Last night, after I managed not to make it to the gym, the devil visited me demanding my soul, a possible future first born, and any blood I have on hand.. yaddah, yaddah, yaddah....

Satan, thinking I was laughing at him, make no mistake - I was, told me if I did not get my ass to the gym, he would strike me dead bloating my corpse but only in the butt and abdomen. CSIs for years would be looking for the "agent" that caused it.

I woke up screaming.

Sunday, May 21, 2006

Saturday, May 20, 2006

Cable Guy!

I am waiting for the Cable Guy!

Jim Carey - I wish. Come on -make me laugh dude.

Last weekend's allergy explosion that sent me to the couch all Saturday and most of the day Sunday has prompted me to return to standard cable.

At least now, I'll know what shows people are talking about and I can watch my beloved baseball without paying a fortune.

While I wait for said cable man, I took a trip into the past from a good friend's post. Check it out. (Yes - it's about music. Deal. I'm a music geek: sue me.)

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Pollen (Poetry Thursday)

Pressure building, Head pounding,
Sinuses screaming - Congestion

Scratching, Sneezing, Dripping nose
One Nostril passing air

Throaty voice, Elmer Fudd nose
Can you understand me?

Decongestant, Antihistamine, Decongestant
Four boxes of tissue



Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Smiles and Flood

Rain, rain on my face
It hasn't stopped raining for days
My world is a flood
Slowly I become one with the mud

Oh wait, the rain stopped this afternoon and the waters should start receding.

I can see clearly now the rain is gone
I can see all obstacles in my way
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind
It's gonna be a bright (bright) bright (bright) sunshinin' day

I see mushy pollen and the road closings.

Okay. Okay. The sun is out and believe me I am thankful. I am not sure I could ever live in Seattle.


Today my godson told me he liked arena rock. Huh?


I give my first presentation of my new job tomorrow.


Smiles rock.

Monday, May 15, 2006


I don't believe in 'signs'. OK. Sometimes I do. Or at least I do for a small space of time.

Lately I have been thinking of moving. I am not sure about it.

Once I the thought began to grow in my mind, I began getting offers to interview in a certain city; Raleigh, NC. The interviews were for jobs I didn't want and did not want to consider. Very IT and very one-sided. Part of the job I have now is working to set up a redundancy office in Raleigh.


Is that a sign or have I just begun to notice that my skills are desirable in a tech hotspot?

I have begun to notice other places as well, just not with the same consistency as Raleigh.

Honestly I don't want to move back to the South. North Carolina is a little different. The state has mountains and snow. Still the South.

What's left? West Coast or a Rocky Mountain State- preferably not too far north.

Signs are really about desires and what comes about as a result of those desires.

Do I want to move or change the place I am in?

Sunday, May 14, 2006

My Head's Gonna Explode

Being in bed sick for two days is the most boring pastime ever.

My nose is sore. My throat is sore. My head is pounding. If I didn't take decongestants with antihistamines, I wouldn't breathe through the one nostril I am breathing through and my head would explode from the pressure.

Going back to bed.

This is enough for me to wanna upgrade my cable.

P.S. Bill the Cat made a cameo in last Sunday's Opus.

Tuesday, May 09, 2006


I fly here a few times a year. My best friend Maria and her husband, Lewis, are here. My godson, A, is here and all my friends are here or come here. I wished I liked Atlanta more.

I am in Atlanta to celebrate A's first holy communion and his sister, S's second birthday. The occasion brings everyone. Maria is the center in which occasions like this draw various friends and family.

Vic, who lives here and is A's godfather, and I, with Eddie, A's cousin, sat in the back pews for the Eucharist mass. We tried unsuccessfully to divert A's attention and lure him to sit back here with us. We made jokes and laughed pretty much all the way through the service, which explains why we are in the back pews. Sitting up front would have gotten us in trouble with A's grandparents.

On S's birthday celebration, more people came in; like Paula who I haven't seen in ages and have loads of fun with. We, the friends and family, celebrated by chasing kids around, opening presents, and making plans to see one another over the summer.

Yesterday morning I got up early to spend time with A before he went to school. This a ritual I have with him on the day I leave. He becomes upset when he doesn't see me the day I leave even if I have said goodbye the night before.

My godchild has a way of crystallizing a moment; I realize I am missing his and his sister's growing up.

A: When are you leaving?
Me: Today. Your mom is dropping me at the train station at noon.
A: Oh.
Me: You know I'll be back for your birthday.
A stares at me with solemn eyes and nods.
Me: It's not the same; is it?
A: No, it's not the same.

Maria comes in to the living room and bundles A up. He gives me a hug and leaves for school. I wait until Lewis heads to work and I am babysitting S for a few minutes, who is sleeping. Then I cry.

I already miss my friends terribly. I miss the kids. I miss my second family. I miss the memories that linger here. Even the bad ones. Yet I make the decision every time to go back to

Wednesday, May 03, 2006


I seem to go through some amazing high points followed by some amazing insecure moments. I wonder why.

I think that for everything we do in life there is an intrinisc lesson. After gaining some distance over the past six months from my a year of absolute- I don't generally believe in absolutes- ups and downs, my lesson is becoming apparent to me; beware of mirages.

What is real?

If in a given situation, my feelings are strong; I know they are real. How about the person with whom I am interacting? Not so fast. I've been here before and my feelings have led me to believe what I have is mutual.

You'd think that I'd learn not to trust people. What I've learned is that I don't want to abandon or guard my trust in people regardless of the mirage affect. Even though I have seen some interesting oases shimmering in the distance lately, I know I am learning how to identify the real thing.

The thought occurred to me while I was in the shower that I have not set any defined goals in my life lately. Even with my writing. Even my poetry is on a slippery slope lately. I have stuff in the works, but haven't been motivated to push for the finish. (Sorry mom- I am working on it.)

I thought about a "to do" list. I suck at those. They get made and I never look at them again. But what the hell: write a goal, have a goal. (I am not numbering these because then there are no rules on the order.)

!) start writing fiction again. one story. any story.
@) finish my poetry and start sending it off. thank you again Stephanie for the links.
#) I want to be able to get to a place where I can express my emotions as well as Michele or my humor as well as Neil.
$) moving my butt out the door to the great outdoors; long drives are not an excuse to come home and collapse.
%) leave the people behind who have made the choice to stay there and concentrate on the people who are in my present. Thank you Danny for making me laugh when I cry over split milk.
^) I know my dreams and I need to start following them.

I think that is enough for now.

Sam Cooke is now a British White Guy

Driving during what I call the music hour- takes me an hour to get home from work and I play the radio or CDs continuously- I heard what I thought was a Sam Cooke song, one I hadn't heard before, on the radio.

I love Sam Cooke. His voice instantly relaxes me. Doesn't matter if traffic is horrendous. Doesn't matter if life is not crystal clear. I am lifted by Sam Cooke's voice.

Imagine my surprise when the radio announcer said the song played was actually by James Hunter. Turns out some upstart from Britain is singing modernized R&B with a sweet clarity and his voice, what a voice! If I had stopped believing in God, I'd believe in Him again.

James Hunter has the gift. Take a listen and click here. Dare ya!!! Sam Cooke couldn't complain .

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

6 am

Morning 5:30 am:

catch up on blog reading while coffee is brewing.

Morning 6:12 am:

coffee is done and I am still at my computer.

Morning 6:13 am

can't move...... willing coffee to pour itself and come to me..........

Morning 6:14 am:

ARRRRRGGGGGGGG ..... I don't have this much patience. Going to get coffee.

Monday, May 01, 2006


Catching up on my reading...