Wednesday, March 29, 2006

God it really isn't funny

Dear God,

While you might think some things are funny, they're not.

After flying in to John Wayne airport, being super dehydrated from the plane, and dead tired, I know you challenged Irvinians to hide all ATMs from visitors. You know I needed cash to get my Peanut Butter, Honey, and Banana sandwich from the Shake Shack at Crystal Cove.

Then there was the time you had the lady at Hertz give me a Taurus knowing Fords have the most flawed cup holder design in the world. It took me a half an hour to find the damn thing to put my coffee in.

Yes, it would have been faster driving across McArthur with the coffee cup in my lap on my way to the office. But we all know that is why McDonalds was sued. I don't particularly want to have second degree burns on my legs because I could not find a cup holder.

Your attempts at humor were not limited to my trips out to California either. There was the time I did the Poo Poo dance while hiking up the side of mountain 'cause I drank Soy Milk that morning. Don't think I didn't hear you laughing.

There was the time I fell down the steps while talking about boys with friends. My butt was bruised for a month!

Your humor needs an update God. At least when it comes to me. Can we take me out of the Keystone Cop era? I am tired of doing pratfalls for your amusement.

I have another point of contention to discuss with you, my neurosis. Yes, I thought you made me slightly neurotic to help satisfy your unending need for laughter. But I am damn neurotic.

How did I not know this until now? What else are you hiding from me?

Can we discuss my need to solve all the world's puzzles? I mean the mental ones. If I start receiving jigsaw puzzles as Christmas gifts, I am heading to the other side; the Southern Baptists. I'm not bluffing.

Also why can't I accept some things as they are? Some of it is a mental game and keeps me sharp. i.e. trying to fix blogger's posting from Word that changes all my apostrophes into question marks. You know I am going to attempt to fix it without getting instructions.

Let's keep my neurosis down to a minimum, and I'll shelve the humor discussion for now.


Thanks Voix de Michele for giving me the idea to play with this style.


Voix said...

I think God is probably laughing at the fact that you wrote this letter, too. God's pretty cool, huh?

Great job - thanks for the props.

Chelle said...

Yup, My relationship with God has a healthy humor basis. I would hope God is laughing.

Neil said...

Why is there this new trend of writing God? I mean -- does he ever write back?

The Holy One said...

Dear Neil,

You should write me. I have been meaning to dicuss some issues with you.


Cincysundevil said...

I absolutely love this post!! It so sounds like my life on so many occassions with being humiliated. It also reminds me of that old Depeche Mode song, "Blasphemous Rumours" ("... I think that Gods got a sick sense of humour / and when I die / I expect to find him laughing"). Damnit Mariemm, why can't I write as well as you? You're the type of blogger I aspire to be!

Chelle said...

Devil's making me blush.

Thank you. You're a sweetie.

tiff said...

I like this idea, and the style and the writing and everything. Might have to copy it someday for myself.

THanks for commenting over at my spot on the web - always nice to meet new people.

Chelle said...

Thanks Tiff. As I stole this from Voix, you may certainly steal it from me.

my0p said...

Fun post =0) ~ and what a delight to read this thread. =0)